Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
