I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
