I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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