is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
