there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
