just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
