dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
