I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
