his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
