I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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