idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Randomize
