I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize