i was born a porn star she said
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
