yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
