walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My life is pants optional.
Randomize