Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
