The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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