I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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