youre lurking in front of me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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