It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
