Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
