I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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