i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
