You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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