If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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