But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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