You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
