I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
