Are we in a gay sports bar?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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