dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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