I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
