i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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