My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
