The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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