due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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