Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
