It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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