So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
