so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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