Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
