I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
