Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
