this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
