Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
