Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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