i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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