You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize