i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize