she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
