Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
