I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
