she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I believe in your delicious
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
