lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Randomize
