Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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