Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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