Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
