Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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