was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
