Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
