Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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