hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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