Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
What a dumb baby whore.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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