Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
