if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
