my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
