Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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