Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
