I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
