we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize