I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
