Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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