Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
