we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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